


Straight Kids

by kintsugih



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Group chat, M/M, Swearing, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 04:12:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17953370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kintsugih/pseuds/kintsugih
Summary: Basically Stray Kids are crackheads and Hyunjin has admin rights.





	1. Damnit Hyunjin

**Straight Kids (plus 8 gays)**

 

 

_meanhoe has entered the chat_

 

 

meanhoe: who was the fucker who came up with the chat name

 

meanhoe: wtf why is my name meanhoe

 

meanhoe: HYUNJIN YOU FUCKER

 

 

_*hairflip* has entered the chat_

 

 

*hairflip*: call me anything other than king and your name is gonna be hoe4jisung

 

meanhoe: hoe n o

 

*hairflip*: hoe yes

 

 

_squirrel™️ has entered the chat_

 

 

squirrel™️: damnit hyunjin

 

 

_chinbig has entered the chat_

 

 

chinbig: damnit hyunjin

 

 

_bottom#1 has entered the chat_

 

 

bottom#1: damnit hyunjin

 

 

_sirlicksalot has entered the chat_

 

 

sirlicksalot: damnit hyunjin

 

 

_bangingwoojin has entered the chat_

 

 

bangingwoojin: damnit hyunjin

 

 

_bottom#2 has entered the chat_

 

 

bottom#2: gosh diddly darn it hyunjin

 

 

_woochin has entered the chat_

 

 

woochin: hyunjin come to the kitchen

 

*hairflip*: no thx i can see everybody waiting to kill me there

 

*hairflip*: I can see minho grabbing a knife

 

squirrel™️: minho n o

 

meanhoe: minho y e s

 

bottom#1: minho yes

 

woochin: minho put the knife down

 

woochin has been renamed intellectual

 

intellectual: hyunjin change everybody's names to appropriate ones or i swear to our Sunday chicken tradition i will let minho at you

 

intellectual has been renamed nope

 

nope: you're dead

 

meanhoe: i hate you but you're screwed

 

bottom#1: hyunjin i WILL top

 

bangingwoojin: COVER THE CHILDREN'S EYES

 

squirrel™️: THAT WAS FROM THE CHILDREN

 

bangingwoojin: FUCK

 

nope: CHAN N O

 

*hairflip*: okay i love everybody not killing me but im just gonna ask

 

*harflip*: where is chinbig and sirlicksalot

 

meanhoe: wait

 

meanhoe: wait they aren't in the kitchen with us

 

squirrel™️: minho what are you implying

 

bottom#2: HYUNJIN SAVE ME

 

*hairflip*: ASK SEUNGMIN

 

bottom#1: HYUNJIN HELP YOUR FELLOW BOTTOM

 

*hairflip*: I AINT BOTTOMING ANYTIME SOON BOTTOM

 

bottom#2: I JUST WANTED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM

 

bottom#2: AND I SEE CHANGLIX

 

bottom#1: FUCK NO COVER YOUR EYES IM COMING

 

*hairflip*: MOVE BITCH THAT'S MY BOTTOM IM COMING FOR

 

bottom#1: MOVE YOUR NOODLE ASS FASTER THEN

 

*hairflip*: BITCH

 

squirrel™️: it sucks being single

 

squirrel™️: like everytime i try and flirt with a girl theyre taken

 

* _hairflip_ *: wait hold on

 

* _hairflip_ *: so you're telling me

  

* _hairflip_ *: everytime you flirt with a girl

 

* _hairflip_ *: they have a boyfriend

 

_squirrel_ ™️: yeah ikr

 

* _hairflip*_ : um minho

 

_meanhoe_ : istg say it and youre a dead noodle

 

_nope_ : minho drop the knife

 

_meanhoe_ : i mean its harder to drop a knife on someone's face but if that's what your killing style is then you do you

 

_nope_ : damnit minho


	2. rip Woochin and Chinbig Jr

**Straight Kids (plus 8 gays)**

 

 

_*hairflip* deleted squirrelTM_

 

 

_*hairflip* deleted bottom#1_

 

 

_*hairflip* deleted chinbig_

 

 

_*hairflip* deleted sirlicksalot_

 

 

_*hairflip* deleted bangingwoojin_

 

 

_*hairflip* deleted bottom#2_

 

 

* _hairflip*_ : so

 

_nope_ : why am i still here

 

* _hairflip_ *: cuz you're the only braincell in this godforsaken chat

 

_nope_ : amen

 

_meanhoe_ : ik what im doing hyunjin

 

_meanhoe adds chinbig to the chat_

 

_*hairflip_ *: youre literally dating all the girls jisung likes so that he can't date them

 

_chinbig_ : holy fuck

 

_meanhoe_ : and whose idea is that

 

_nope_ : goddamnit miNHO DROP THE KNIFE

 

_chinbig_ : okay first of all how do you know all the girls jisung likes

 

_nope_ : jisung prob tells him and then goes to the nearest bathroom to freshen up or smth and then minho flirts with the girl while jisung is preoccupied and then turns his back as jisung asks the girl out and then the girl says she's taken

 

_nope_ : he prob doesn't tell his name to the girl and flirt with her so that she a) forgets that she doesn't know his name and b)can't expose minho

 

_meanhoe_ : goddamnit hyunjin

 

_chinbig_ : so should i like-

 

_meanhoe_ : say anything about this to anybody else and i will personally cut off changbin jr

 

_nope_ : minho deep breaths

 

_nope_ : also watch out jisung's trying to look at your screen

 

_chinbig_ : t

 

_chinbig_ : t

 

_chinbig_ : t

 

_chinbig_ : t

 

_chinbig_ : t

 

_chinbig_ : t

 

_chinbig_ : t

 

_chinbig_ : t

 

_chinbig_ : t

 

_*hairflip*_ : nice thinking their chinbig

 

_chinbig_ : fuck felix saw my screen before i spammed

 

_*hairflip_ *: goddamnit chinbig

 

_nope_ : goddamnit chinbig

 

_meanhoe_ : say adios to jr

 

_*hairflip_ *: well theres not point now

 

 

_*hairflip* adds sirlickalot to the chat_

 

 

_sirlicksalot_ : mINHO WHAT

 

_meanhoe_ : okay in my defense

 

_meanhoe_ : when changbin hugged me

 

_meanhoe_ : i woke up with a sharpie dick on my forehead

 

_meanhoe_ : be more creative at least

 

_meanhoe_ : you didn't even put hair

 

_chinbig_ : felix...

 

_sirlicksalot_ : im soweeeeeeeeeee (●´ω｀●)

 

_chinbig_ : you're adorable you know that right

 

_sirlicksalot_ : ik ≧◡≦

 

_meanhoe_ : im just gonna

 

_meanhoe_ : (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

 

_*hairflip_ *:  =U

 

_nope_ : =U

 

_nope_ : how dare you ruin the beautiful couple relationship

 

_nope_ : when you yourself are literally dating girls for 5 seconds just so that jisung isn't taken

 

_meanhoe_ : shut the fuck up and get your fucking face out of my fucking business

 

_*hairflip*_ : woojin-hyung is the only one who can say minho drop the knife without getting skewered so idk what to do

 

 

_nope has been renamed to riphyung_

 

 

_sirlicksalot_ : doot doot doot dooooooooot (hunger games salute)


	3. Chapter 3

**Straight Kids (plus 8 gays)**

 

 

_*hairflip* adds bottom#1_

 

 

_*hairflip* adds bottom#2_

 

 

*hairflip*: i need help

 

bottom#1: sexually or actually need help

 

*hairflip*: actually need help

 

bottom#1: wow that's a first

 

bottom#2: agreed

 

*hairflip*: minho has been dancing in the studio for 8 hours or so

 

*hairflip*: no break

 

*hairflip*: and im not sure but i think he's crying as well

 

bottom#1: minho never cries...

 

bottom#2: okay let's go get him bubble tea then

 

bottom#1: yeah he loves bubble tea

 

*hairflip*: okay which one of us is better at talking

 

bottom#2: not me

 

bottom#1: i think im angsty enough

 

*hairflip*: okay so innie and i will go to get bubble tea

 

*hairflip*: which flavor you want minnie?

 

bottom#1: if you really love me change my user to minnie

 

 

_bottom#1 is renamed to OurMinnie_

 

 

bottom#2: what about me?

 

 

_bottom#2 is renamed to bottom#1_

 

 

bottom#1: thats it im all seungminnie's now

 

bottom#1: no cuddles for you

 

 

_*hairflip* is renamed to NOTICEMEINNIESENPAI_

 

 

NOTICEMEINNIESENPAI: that's okay ill just do aegyo and you'll crack

 

bottom#1: gosh diddly darn he know my weakness

 

OurMinnie: ok im going to the studio now

 

OurMinnie: meet you little shits there

 

NOTICEMEINNIESENPAI: love you too

 

bottom#1: love you too


	4. shit happens

**Straight Kids (plus 8 gays)**

 

 

_OurMinnie added squirrelTM_

 

 

_squirrelTM is renamed to blindTM_

 

 

_Ourminnie added_ _bangingwoojin_

 

 

_bangjinwoojin is renamed to crackeroo_

 

 

_crackeroo has entered the chat_

 

 

 _crackeroo_ : im a kangaroo not a cracker

 

  _crackeroo_ : oh

 

 _OurMinnie_ : im debating whether to change you to 'half-fried sunny-side up neuron' but im too lazy

 

 _crackeroo_ : excuse me im poached

 

 _crackeroo_ : obviously

 

 

_blindTM has entered the chat_

 

 

 _blindTM_ : excuse me vision is 20/20 ill have you know

 

 _crackeroo_ : okay his name i get

 

 _OurMinnie_ : ikr

 

 _OurMinnie_ : neways minho is killing himself at the dance studio and im heading over there for moral support

 

 _blindTM_ : wait whY IS MINHO DOING THAT TO HIMSELF

 

 _OurMinnie_ : im pretty sure there are so many clues to find if you're poached-ass rodent neuron can work long enough to help you

 

 _crackeroo_ : ouch

 

 _OurMinnie_ : hyung im sorry but im done with this year-long drama

 

 _crackeroo_ : yeah okay im going over there as well

 

 _blindTM_ : somebody pls explain...

 

 

_NOTICEMEINNIESENPAI has entered the cat_

 

~~_NOTICEMEINNIESENPAI_ : okay i got the bubble tea for minho's lusting ass whatd i miss~~

 

 _NOTICEMEINNIESENPAI_ : oh shit jisung's here

 

 _blindTM_ : okay first of all how did you know it was me my name got changed and second of all why did you delete that text?

 

 _NOTICEMEINNIESENPAI_ : okay nvm you know what i understand why minho-hyung is crying now

 

 _NOTICEMEINNIESENPAI_ : ill just give you a tiny hint

 

 _blindTM_ : and what is minho lusting for?

 

 _NOTICEMEINNIESENPAI_ : look at your goddamn user

 

 _blindTM_ : blind...?

 

 _blindTM_ : SHIT


	5. Son of a J.One

**Straight Kids (plus 8 gays)**

 

 

_NOTICEMEINNIESENPAI turned on Confetti Mode_

 

 

_chinbig has entered the chat_

 

 

_chinbig_ : why tf are you polluting our chat

 

_NOTICEMEINNIESENPAI_ : the only thing thats polluting this electronic chat is your stupidity

 

 

_riphyung has entered the chat_

 

 

_riphyung_ : true

 

 

_crackeroo has entered the chat_

 

 

_crackeroo_ : true

 

_crackeroo_ : and im sick of being referred to as a cracker

 

_crackeroo_ : change it to something else

 

 

_crackeroo has been renamed to ahoe4woojin_

 

 

_ahoeforwoojin_ : that's worse you son of j.one

 

_riphyung_ : im just going to put it out there that the user is accurate and son of j.one is now a thing

 

_chinbig_ : okay hyunjin i dare you to change lix's user to ahoe4changbin

 

 

_sirlicksalot has been renamed to changbinsahoe_

 

 

_NOTICEMEINNIESENPAI_ : don't tell me what to fucking do

 

 

_OurMinnie has entered the chat_

 

 

_OurMinnie_ : Minho stopped dancing

 

_OurMinnie_ : idk if that's a good thing bc now he's full-out sobbing

 

_NOTICEMEINNIESENPAI_ : is it because of our generous gesture?

 

_OurMinnie_ : no you son of a fucking j.one it's because he has to cope with everything now that he's stopped moving and he's scared because he thinks that a certain HOE is right

 

_riphyung_ : i am though

 

 

_riphyung has been renamed to sonofaj1_

 

 

_sonofaj1_ : fair enough

 

 

_blindTM has entered the chat_

 

 

_blindTM_ : how does one confess to someone

 

_ahoeforwoojin_ : HE GREW BALLS THANK THE LORD JESUS CHRIST

 

_NOTICEMEINNIESENPAI_ : holy fuck i need to screenshot this

 

_chinbig_ : thank god felix was too emotionally invested in this shit

 

_sonofaj1_ : jisung plz don't spoil this

 

_blindTM_ : i just wanted to know in case Minho planned to confess to me

 

_ahoeforwoojin_ : ...

 

_chinbig_ : ...

 

_NOTICEMEINNIESENPAI_ : ...

 

_sonofaj1_ : you know what

 

_sonofaj1_ : hyunjin you have admin rights still right

 

_NOTICEMEINNIESENPAI_ : but of fucking course

 

 

_blindTM has been renamed to adisappointment_

 

 

_NOTICEMEINNIESENPAI has been renamed to disappointed_

 

 

_disappointed_ : have fun being homeless

 

_sonofaj1_ : and hungry

 

_chinbig_ : unlovable

 

_ahoe4woojin_ : a disgrace to all aussies

 

_disappointed_ : *gasps*

 

 

_meanhoe has entered the chat_

 

 

_ahoe4woojin_ : SHIT

 

_meanhoe_ : that's what i feel like

 

_meanhoe_ : who's kicked out

 

_adisappointment_ : everybody's here

 

_meanhoe_ : is that changbin?

 

_chinbig_ : e x c u s e  m e

 

_meanhoe_ : anyways thx for the bubble tea but im not in the mood

 

_NOTICEMEINNIESENPAI_ : 'twas my fabulouseth idea

 

_meanhoe_ : nvm then

 

 

_bottom#1 has entered the chat_

 

 

_meanhoe_ : minnie how are you on your phone

 

_bottom#1_ : its jeongin

 

_meanhoe_ : hyunjin what

 

_disappointment_ : in order to preserve my thriving beautiful relationship i had to rename minnie

 

_meanhoe_ : well fuck that imma just type whatever seungmin tells me to type

 

_meanhoe_ : so he wants me to confess my feelings for jisung

 

_meanhoe_ : and now he's yelling at me to not type that

 

_meanhoe_ : oops

 

_meanhoe_ : oh and now he's trying to dunk bubble tea on my head

 

_meanhoe_ : im too tired to escape

 

_meanhoe_ : now i have bubble tea on me

 

_meanhoe_ : imma wash now good fucking bye

 

_adisappointment_ : wait hyung

 

_meanhoe_ : fuck is that jisung

 

_adisappointment_ : yep don't go hyung we can talk :)

 

_meanhoe_ : hyunjin give me admin rights

 

_disappointment_ : did

 

 

_meanhoe deletes meanhoe_

 

 

_disappointment_ : i did not see that coming

 

_disappointment_ : but at the same time i did

 

_sonofaj1_ : goddamnit hyunjin

 

 

_OurMinnie has entered the chat_

 

 

_disappointment is renamed to anevenbiggerdisappointment_


	6. Wombchin ™

**Straight Kids (plus 8 gays)**

 

 

_anevenbiggerdisappointment has entered the chat_

 

 

 _anevenbiggerdisappointment_ : okay imma address a few things

 

 _anevenbiggerdisappointment_ : one, y am i being singled out for being straight

 

 _anevenbiggerdisappointment_ : i am not a dissappointment thats changbin hyung

 

 _anevenbiggerdisappointment_ : and open the fucking studio door or i will karate chop it

 

 

_OurMinnie has entered the chat_

 

 

 _OurMinnie_ : y'all here smth

 

 _OurMinnie_ : oh nvm it's just the door being harassed by a disappointment

 

 _anevenbiggerdisappointment_ : let me the fuck in

 

 _OurMinnie_ : if you say please I'll consider it

 

 _ _anevenbiggerdisappointment__ : plz

 

 _OurMinnie_ : on second thought i don't want to risk minho hyung waking up and crying again

 

 _OurMinnie_ : guess ya gotta wait

 

 

_bottom#1 has entered the chat_

 

 

 _bottom#1_ : im sick of being called bottom#1

 

 _bottom#1_ : change my user minnie or no cuddles for you either

 

 _OurMinnie_ : but...

 

 _bottom#1_ : one

 

 _bottom#1_ : two

 

 

_bottom#1 has been renamed ass_

 

 

 _ass_ : okay y'know what im gonna flirt with the history teacher

 

 _ass_ : have fun crying with hyunjinnie

 

 

_disappointed has entered the chat_

 

 

_disappointed has been renamed imcryingoverakdrama_

 

 

 _imcryingoverakdrama_ : THIS IS SO FUCKING SAD

 

 _imcryingoverakdrama_ : THEY JUST KILLED HIM

 

 _imcryingoverakdrama_ : CHANNIE HYUNG PLAY DESPACITO

 

 

_ahoe4woojin_ _has entered the chat_

 

 

 _ahoe4woojin_ : you rang

 

 _ahoe4woojin_ : and also change my name

 

 _imcryingoverakdrama_ : say please

 

 _ahoe4woojin_ : i pay the  r e n t

 

 _imcryingoverakdrama_ : close enough

 

 

_ahoe4woojin has been renamed to attilathehyung_

 

 

 _atillathehyung_ : that's slightly better

 

 

_changbinsahoe has entered the chat_

 

 

 _changbinsahoe_ : Ji I'm revoking our friendship

 

 _ _anevenbiggerdisappointment__ : what does  t h a t  mean

 

 _changbinsahoe_ : it means no more being extra with me

 

 _anevenbiggerdisappointment_ : but... lixieeeeeeeeee

 

 _changbinsahoe_ : who is lixie

 

 _changbinsahoe_ : i only know changbin is a hoe

 

 _changbinsahoe_ : gah Minho woke up and now he's staring at the ceiling oh no wOMB CHIN

 

 _imcryingoverakdrama_ : i look at my kdrama for  o n e  s e c o n d  and then i see womb chin

 

 _imcryingoverakdrama_ : well theres only one thing to do

 

 

_sonofaj1 has been renamed womb_chin_

 

 

 _ _anevenbiggerdisappointment__ : why is he a son of me

 

 

_womb_chin has entered the chat_

 

 

 _womb_chin_ : idk why is minho crying

 

 _OurMinnie_ : becAUSE OF BOTH OF YOU NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET BACK TO WORK WOMB CHIN

 

 _womb_chin_ : no chicken for you

 

 _womb_chin_ : but yeah im on it

 

 _anevenbiggerdisappointment_ : okay let me get this gay

 

 _ _anevenbiggerdisappointment__ : so minho hyung likes me

 

 _OurMinnie_ : no shit shitlock

 

 _imcryingoverakdrama_ : "let me get this gay" lmfaooooooooooo

 

 _anevenbiggerdisappointment_ : and hes crying because i did something?

 

 _OurMinnie_ : no its because womb chin told him off for being a hypocrite and now hes crying and its sort of because of you

 

 _anevenbiggerdisappointment_ : can i talk to him?

 

 _imcryingoverakdrama_ : i let him in

 

 _OurMinnie_ : wait consent is hot rape is not

 

 _womb_chin_ : the chicken fritters

 

 _OurMinnie_ : first of all why can't you just say fuck or frick

 

 _OurMinnie_ : and second of all we need to ask hyung first if hes okay with that

 

 _imcryingoverakdrama_ : oops minho saw sungie

 

 _imcryingoverakdrama_ : damn how is he so fucking fast

 

 _womb_chin_ : hyunjin

 

 _imcryingoverakdrama_ : yes sir womb chin

 

 _womb_chin_ : ill give you 5 seconds to run after minho before i chase you down and end you

 

 _imcryingoverakdrama_ : sir yes sir

 

 _OurMinnie_ : can someone explain why hyunjin is naruto running to the bathroom

 

 _ _anevenbiggerdisappointment__ : idk whether to laugh or scream or cry

 

 _OurMinnie_ : how about all of the above

 

 _womb_chin_ : son you asdigosdigmasidgjosidm up

 

 _womb_chin_ : now he's doing what you told him to do

 

 _OurMinnie_ : oh fuck

 

 _attilathehyung_ : i go out for fresh air for  5  m i n u t e s  and i have a gajillion unread messages plus a sobbing jisung and a naruto-running hyunjin

 

 _attilathehyung_ : woojin what have we done

 

 _womb_chin_ : idk love

 

 _attilathehyung_ : WOMB CHIN APOSDIMGPOISDJGPOASMDIGJSAPOGM

 

 _womb_chin_ : no chicken for  a n y o n e


End file.
